Don’t Freak Out Too Much if You Are Going to Be a First-Time Dad
If I can figure things out when I never held a baby until my own, you can too
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It’s impossible to be less experienced with babies than I was before my daughter was born on May 30th. I’m 40, never had an interest in other kids, and didn’t want any of my own for a long time. The first baby I ever held, changed a diaper for, or spent any time with was my daughter. My preparation for fatherhood consisted of going to birthing and breastfeeding classes at our hospital, reading a few books about being an expectant father and a new dad, along with a fatherhood podcast.
You don’t need to overload yourself with information before becoming a first-time father even though it’s one of the most overwhelming feelings you ever experience. My main resources to prepare were The Dad Edge podcast, The Expectant Father, and a couple of books by Dr. Meg Meeker about the role of being a strong father. What to Expect the First Year is a great resource to have on hand when you are near the arrival of your baby to learn about feeding, sleeping, and those fun bodily functions. I also attended a daddy boot camp which normalized a lot of my feelings.
One of the biggest things I was worried about was handling my newborn daughter. You really do have instincts that “turn on” when your baby is born. It’s not a cliché. You learn what your baby likes and doesn’t like as you spend more time together. It’s stuff you can only experience and won’t learn from books or podcasts since your child is unique. Once you get comfortable together, it’s fun to experiment with new ways to hold and have fun with your baby.
The place I learned the most about how to care and handle for my baby was at the hospital after she was born. Take advantage of the staff who visit after your baby arrives. They are happy to answer any questions and show you how to do things like change diapers, swaddle, and how to hold them. We had circumstances that forced us to be in the hospital longer than expected so my wife and I became professionals at a lot of things we wouldn’t have been if we didn’t have amazing people helping us.
It’s normal to worry about not knowing what you are doing and to load up on information when you become a dad for the first time. You can only retain so much and you may not ever use the things you focus on the most. Everyone has different circumstances becoming a father so my advice may not apply to you, but it’s my experience. You will be amazed at how many things become second nature you were afraid of before so keep calm and remember to enjoy the experience.