The Best Piece of Advice I Wish I Had Before I Became a Dad
Most things people say won't help you in the most important ways
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My mortgage payment would be paid for a month if I had a dollar for every time someone said, “sleep when the baby sleeps” when we were expecting our daughter.
That’s the kind of thing most people think is secret knowledge you wouldn’t have figured out on your own in your semi-conscience state as a new parent. The first thing you think of after your baby is born is sleep once they fall asleep. You may not have that small luxury of sleep if your baby is sleeping because there are a dozen tasks to complete you can’t do when your baby is awake if you can’t get free hands.
Newborns spend most of their existence sleeping, eating every couple of hours, filling diapers, and crying. Some of their needs are warmth, comfort, food, cuddling, diaper changes, or a new outfit. It sounds simple, but it can be complicated figuring out what they are telling you they need when crying and when everything you try doesn’t help for half an hour make them feel better.
Nobody ever told me I wasn’t doing anything wrong if I couldn’t figure out why my newborn daughter was having a meltdown.
It’s easy to get in your own head that you are doing something wrong when you can’t comfort a crying baby. You can think it’s your fault and failing as a parent. That’s a lie and don’t believe it. It’s one of the most harmful things you can tell yourself. Newborn babies grow exponentially every day and it’s a very difficult thing for them to experience and adjust to life outside of their mom’s womb. Go through your crying checklists and sometimes all it takes is time for your little one to feel better.
It would have been helpful to hear to be easier on myself when my daughter was having a hard time. As someone who had no experience with babies before my daughter was born it would have been a big help. Most advice you get as an expecting or new parent revolves around the baby and not the parents. Sometimes new parents need advice on how to take care of themselves so they can take care of their baby.
Most people who are new parents probably have heard the same advice multiple times and can’t even use it because every baby is different or what gets said is common sense. If you are going to give advice, give it some thought and don’t say what everyone else does. Put some thought into what the new parents need to hear and try to make it unique if you know them well because the last thing they need to hear is “sleep when the baby sleeps.”